Chris and Toby's First Night
by scissorknot
Summary: Beecher&Keller, Takes place during the first night they are in the pod together after the nightmare. Read and Response would be appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

"Tobias Beecher, so this is the guy who has been a thorn in Vern's side," Chris mumbled to himself. "Vern wants him dead, but he wants him to off himself." Before he had even ridden through the front gates of Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary (OZ), Christopher "Chris" Keller had been given a mission. An old cellmate, Vern Schillinger, had contacted Chris. Somehow Schillinger found out that Chris had been arrested and was to be put in Emerald City (EM City). Schillinger wanted to make a deal with Keller. If he could succeed in getting an inmate, Tobias "Toby" Beecher, to kill himself, Chris would have the protection of the Aryan Brotherhood. Chris, being a manipulative, smooth-talking charmer, agreed, mostly just for kicks. But Vern had failed to mention an important piece of information. Chris knew that there had to be bad blood between Vern and Tobias, but he didn't know the extent of the loathing between the two. 

Here Chris was, his first night with his new "friend" Toby, and he already doubted if he could pull this off. How was he supposed to get close to someone that recites nursery rhymes when he feels threatened? How was he supposed to seduce someone who freaks out whenever you touch them? Without knowing it, Toby had crippled Chris' offence. He had disabled Chris' two main weapons: his extraordinary talent to make his prey feel comfortable by talking to them, and his ungodly sex appeal. Although Chris had discovered a temporary setback in his plan, he would not be deterred. The challenge actually made Chris more determined then ever. He was going to make Tobias fall in love with him, and then he was going to crush him like the bug he thought he was.

"If I'm ever going to get into Beecher's head I better start now," Chris muttered to himself. "Hey, Beecher, you awake? I want to ask you something." Toby had been trying to go back to sleep after waking up from his recurring nightmare. A night had not gone by, since the day Toby hit that little girl, without him being reminded of that horrible deed. But now the dreams had changed. Instead of hitting the girl, he now crashes into the man that OZ has made him.

Toby answered lethargically, "I'm trying to sleep." Toby still wasn't sure whether he could trust Chris.

But Keller had been prepared for that very response. "Just answer me this one question and I'll let you get back to your beauty sleep," he retorted.

"Fine, you can ask but that doesn't mean I'll answer you," Toby replied.

"Alright," Chris said, "but you've got to hear me out. We're going to be spending at least the next three years of our lives together, so I want to get a few things out in the open. Mainly I want to know what is the deal with the whole touching thing. Why did you freak out when I touched your arm earlier? Was it because of the nightmare?"

"You really want to know?" Toby remarked, adding, "And why do you care?"

"Why would I ask you if I didn't want to know? And it isn't that I care as much as I'm worried that you might snap one night and kill me," Chris said jokingly, giving Toby's bed a playful kick. 

Toby was taken off guard by Chris' light hearted reply and could only manage a half-hearted, "Screw you," followed by a resigned, "Since you put it so eloquently I guess I'll tell you; knowing how news travels in OZ you would know by breakfast tomorrow anyway. From the second night that I arrived at OZ, Vern Schillinger made my life a living hell. The first night in his pod he branded me with a swastika on my butt. He made me rip up pictures of my family, made me lick his boots, and dressed me in drag and had me perform in front of the entire prison just to name a few things. You've been in prison before, so I'm sure you know he raped me as well . . ." here Toby's voice trailed off, as if he were remembering things too awful to mention. When he began speaking again, the empty, disinterested tone was gone from his voice, and Chris could hear the raw pain and shame replacing it. "I started using heroin on a daily basis to kill the physical and mental pain that Vern caused me. I also used drugs to piss off Vern—apparently there is some code in the Aryan charter against using drugs. It got so bad that I had to move up to more powerful drugs. A good friend of mine introduced me to PCP, but unfortunately he provided me with a bad batch. While I was tripping, I decided that I had enough of Vern and it was time to fight back. I threw a chair through the glass door of his pod, nearly causing him to loose an eye. Then I got to spend time in the Hole, where I went through withdrawals . . ." Again, a momentary silence, which Chris was beginning to understand signaled Toby's reluctance to describe events that had been too torturous. Skipping over that bit, Toby continued, "But to make a long story short, I don't like to be touched because it brings me back to a time where I had no control over myself and a time that I don't ever want to be reminded of."

After Toby had finished telling his story there was a long, awkward silence in the room. Toby was afraid that he had revealed too much of himself. He was afraid that he might have given this complete stranger the weapon that he could use to screw him over. Toby felt a fear that he hadn't felt since those first terrifying nights in Oz. For the first time in a year, Toby was afraid because he didn't know what might happen to him.

Now Chris, though not the brightest inmate intellectually, wasn't entirely without emotional intelligence, namely, he knew how to read people. He could tell that he had Toby at a critical point. Toby had revealed something very personal and he knew that the next words out of his mouth would determine if his plan would be a success or a complete failure. Chris understood that he had to offer some sort of comfort to Toby or he would have just wasted a golden opportunity to get closer to him. "Damn, man, I'm sorry for bringing up such bad memories," Chris said. "I just thought that you were still in freak-out mode because of the dream. But honestly, I'm so sorry for bring up that mess."

Toby was surprised at how sincere Chris was. He may have only known him for a few hours, but never in his life had Toby ever encountered someone this confident in themselves. Toby himself had been a bit of an egomaniac during his life before OZ. He came from a wealthy family, he graduated first in class at law school (which didn't matter because he was guaranteed a job with his father's law firm) he made more than enough money to spoil his wife and three kids, etc, etc, but even with all of this he didn't come close to ever having the confidence that Chris appeared to have. Ever since Chris's arrival, he'd had the most arrogant smile, and he walked like he owned all of EM City. But when Chris spoke, Toby felt that Chris really meant what he said. That he felt bad about what had happened to him, and he was sorry for bringing it up. "Don't worry about it, Chris," Toby answered, using his name for the first time since he'd met him. "In a strange way it makes me fell better having told someone how I really feel. But if you don't mind, I'm going back to sleep."

At the warm sound of Toby's voice, an evil smile appeared across Chris' face. His plan had worked. Toby would eventually be his. "Good night, Beecher," Chris said, more confident than ever that he was going to succeed.


	2. Chapter 2

A foreign noise in the pitch-black pod roused Chris. For a brief minute he had forgotten were he was. When it dawned on him he also realized the origin of the strange sound. It was a muffled whimper of Toby on the top bunk. "Not again" Chris thought. Chris had just managed to get back to sleep after his first chat with Beecher a few hours earlier and he was tremendously tired. But being the talented, opportunist, that he was, Keller was not going to let a moment to get closer to Beecher slip by. "Beecher" Chris whispered. Getting no response from his pod mate Keller tried again, a little louder this time, "Beecher". Again nothing. Keller decided to give it one last try. This time he decided to try giving the bed a little kick. It worked when he wanted to talk to Toby earlier, so it might work this time Keller thought. "Beecher" Keller shouted while he kicked the top bunk. The third time was a charm. Keller felt the bunk shake as Beecher jerked up out of his horrific dream. "Hey Beecher, you alright" Keller asked.

"Leave me alone," Beecher retorted as he jumped down from the top bunk and walked over to the sink. He filled up the sink with cold water and dunked his face in it. Normally the chilly water splashing on his face was enough to get the dreams out of his head, but not now. He was not sure what was different this time, maybe it was the fact that he had two nightmares this night or maybe it was the fact that he was woke up, whatever the case Beecher was more shaken then normal. Tobias let the water out of the sink and jumped back up onto his bunk.

Keller decided that if he was going to try and get closer to Beecher he better act fast, before Beecher fell back to sleep. "Hey Beecher" Keller started, "Are you okay man?"

Beecher, still a little freaked out by the dream, was in no mood to talk to his pod mate Keller. Beecher just repeated his original response, "Leave me alone."

Chris was not deterred by this minor setback, secretly, he was hoping for a challenge. What fun was there in seducing someone if they just threw themselves at you? Keller welcomed the challenge that Beecher was unknowingly giving. He knew it would take a lot of talent to get Beecher to trust him, let alone fall in love with him. Keller wanted to see what the extent of his powers of manipulation were, and he felt that Tobias was just the right man to test his powers. Chris began a fake cry. "Toby I'm hurt." Keller learned from their conversation a few hours ago the easiest way to get through Toby's rock solid defensives was with comedy. "Now Tobias," Keller said "I thought you knew me better than that. You actually thought that I would give up that easily."

Toby tried to sound as serious as possible as said, "You know what? You sure can be an ass." No matter how hard he tired; Toby was unable to hide his true feelings as he let out a little chuckle.

"I've heard that a few time before but I thought people were just trying to be nice. But I think you might be telling me the truth and I take that as a compliment," Keller countered. "Now that I have your attention. Will you answer my question? Are you alright? I've had a few bad dreams before but never the same dream for over a year, and twice in one night."

For a while no one spoke. Beecher was still wary about trusting Keller. He had just meet this guy. Why should he share personal information with this stranger? And why had he already shared the details of his dream with him? Tobias did not trust Keller, but something about him made Beecher want to open up to Chris. Finally Beecher broke the silence, "I do not know why I am telling you this, but for some reason I think you could get it out of me by tomorrow. You remember what I told you about my dreams?" Chris nodded and Toby continued. "I think that my these dreams are a product of the guilt that I feel for killing Kathy Rockwell."

"Wow! Did you think of that by yourself?"

"Why yes I did. With the help of Sister Pete."

"I thought so."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It sounded to smart to be coming from you."

"Screw you smart-ass. Now if you are done interrupting me I will finish."

"Go ahead. I'm done making jokes at your expense. For now at least."

"As I was saying. These dreams are most likely caused by all of the guilt that I have pent up inside after killing that little girl. Up until that moment I had not killed anything. Not even a cockroach. Seeing her lifeless body pressed smashed against the window; I felt a little piece of my die inside. Ever since that day I have felt this emptiness inside me. I killed someone. Not just someone but an innocent child. I cannot imagine the pain that I have caused that family. Sometimes I try to imagine what if the situation had been reversed and it had been Holly who was hit by Kathy's father, how would I feel. But the simple fact is it was not Holly it was Kathy and I am responsible for taking her life. And nothing I do will ever make up for the fact that I took that innocent girls life. And that I have caused her family the greatest pain they will ever experience." Once again there was another long and awkward pause in the room. Toby was holding back tears. The combination of guilt and pain that he was experiencing was almost too much for him to handle. But there was no way in hell he was going to let Keller see him cry. He had spent too long building a reputation that he was crazy to let it be destroyed in one night. What was it about this new guy that made Toby feel so comfortable? He had not known Keller for an entire day and he had already shared with him information that he was no even comfortable talking to Sister Pete.

Keller broke the awkward silence that had fallen over the pod. "I guess I understand. I never have really been one to feel guiltily."

"What? You have never felt guilty before? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It never was a concept I understood. I think it is one of those things you develop in your childhood.

Beecher was astonished. How could someone not feel guilt? And what was this childhood comment? Was Keller trying to open up to him? Beecher was taken back for a moment. He did not know whether or not he should try a get Keller to open more. He did volunteer the information but at the same time Tobias never had been on to inquire about other's personal life. Just from the how Keller said it made Beecher hesitate asking about it. Tobias was about to let Christopher's statement receded to the recesses of his mind when he remembered Christopher's prodding at his personal memories earlier that night. "Hey Keller" Beecher started. "What was with that childhood reference? You did not think I would miss that did you?"

"Actually I was hoping you missed that. I didn't mean to say that. It sort of slipped out." Which was a lie. Keller had planned this from the beginning. He knew that Beecher had been a lawyer before his stint in Oz. Vern had mentioned that Tobias was a "rich Harvard lawyer boy" when he was briefing Keller about him. Keller was not sure how good of a lawyer he was but he was sure that no self respecting Harvard graduate would miss a piece of information that enticing no matter how small it was.

"No come on Chris, how could I miss that? I would not have been a very good lawyer if I did not pay attention when someone was speaking."

"I was just hoping. I mean you did end up here in OZ." Chris was taking a calculated risk by making that joke. He was not sure if Tobias would find the joke amusing or if it would infuriate him, but it was a risk that Christopher was welling to take. If it did backfire on him he could easily repair the damage and if it worked he would know that Beecher was close to being under his control.


	3. Chapter 3

The room was once again engulfed with an uneasy silence. Tobias was busy analyzing Keller's comment. Tobias was no sure of what to make of the comment. His first instinct was that Keller was trying to insult him, but from their conversation, Tobias noticed that Chris used humor to "brake the ice" per say. "It is not my fault that I am in here. Actually yes it is my fault, because I was the one who was driving the car when it hit Kathy. But what I meant was my skills, as a lawyer, would not have helped me at the trial. I was a business not a criminal lawyer."

"Ok. What ever you say."

"I'm telling the truth. I am tired of talking about me; I want you to clarify something for me. A while ago you made the statement that guilt is something that develops in your childhood and you have never felt it before. Right?"

"Yeah that's correct?"

"So what happened? Most people in their life have felt guilty about something. What happened in your life to make you different."

"I don't feel like talking about it Tobias. It is to personal."

"To personal my ass. Aside from Sisters Pete, I have told you more personal information about myself then anyone else in OZ. I think it is your turn to spill the beans."

"Spill the beans? Spill the Beans! Wow I didn't know people actually talked like that."

"Stop trying to change the subject. Are you going to answer my question or not?"

"Fine, I will tell you, but you have to not interrupt me while I'm talking. I don't like to talk about it but when I get started I can't be stopped. If I stop there is no way I will continue. It just hurts to much."

There was a brief moment of silence in the room. Keller was busy trying to concoct a story that would be believable to Beecher but at the same time would make Tobias fell sorry for him. Tobias on the other hand was a little embarrassed. He had thought that Keller was bluffing when he called him on the family statement. But now he was not so sure. Chris had used the same tone after Tobias had made his initial confession earlier tonight.

Keller who felt that he had came up with the perfect life story broke the silence. At first Keller's little story went according to plan. "Growing up I used to watch the Brady Bunch (a complete lie, Keller hated the Brady Bunch when he was growing up) and I wished my family was like that." Up until that point everything coming out of Keller's mouth had been part of his story, but for some reason Keller started to tell the truth about his life. "My life was nothing like that show. First off I was an only child and I had no father. I had no friends when I was growing up. I was picked on by most of the kids in my class. A day didn't go by were I wasn't tripped on the playground or when someone would embarrass me in front of as many people as possible. I spent most of my time alone. I would normally read; so that wouldn't help me out. I got good grades because of it but it just made it even worse. Not only was I socially awkward, but also I was a nerd. It just added fuel to the fire. I don't know why the picked on me so much, but they sure loved to make my life a living hell. I tired to ignore them when I was at school, but when I was at home I couldn't keep it in any more. I would cry for hours on end, and how that annoyed my mother. She never asked me why I was crying, she would just say things like, 'you are pansy' or 'why was I burdened with such a pathetic child", which needless to say made me feel worse. But that was a typical response from my pathetic excuse for a mother. I was more of a burden then a child to my mother. My mother was never quite sure who my father was. She was quite fond of the one-night stands. It was after one of her encounters that I was conceived and her being the 'good' Catholic that she was would not have an abortion. Nine months later I was born to a mother who never wanted a child. When I wasn't being beaten for something I spent most of my childhood alone. My mother was constantly with her "friends", and by friends I mean clients. I was supposed to stay in my room and keep quiet. One day I got thirsty and went to get a drink of water; I thought that my mother and already finished up and it was safe to go out, I was wrong. I had come out just before she had finished and I scared off her client and she was pissed. She grabbed the closest object to her, in this case it was a metal paperweight shaped like a boat, and just started hitting me with it. After about the ninth or tenth time she hit me in the head I lose consciousness. I don't know how long I was out for or for how long she kept beating me. It had to be a few hours because when I woke it was dark out and my ribs were killing me. My mother was nowhere to be found, which was quite normal for her. I was used to her beating the crap out of me and then disappearing. She had most likely gone to get her next fix. Heroin was her drug of choice. That is the reason she whored herself and that was the reason she beat me. Whenever she got low on smack she would be very irritable; and that is when she would go off on me. It isn't like she was ever a nice person to be around to begin with, but the smack just made her so much worse. She would smack me around when she was sober, but it was far worse when she was hopped up on drugs. It was like after hitting me a few times her common sense came back and she would stop, but it was different when she was stoned. It was as if the tiny human side she had was silenced and she would hit me until she got tired. When she got home her eyes were glazed over, and I could tell she had found a dealer. She just walked in and went straight to bed. She didn't say 'Hello' or look at me. Which for some reason was a shock to me. She had never cared before, but she wouldn't ignore me. I thought maybe, just maybe, she would feel a little guilt over what she had done. I mean it was the worse she had ever beat me before. But my hope was falsely placed. She was the same frigid bitch that I had come to despise. It took me a few hours to get up my ribs hurt so much. I finally got up and went to my room. I don't know how I would have made it through it if my mother weren't a junkie. I found some of her pain pills, and I was never as happy to have her as my mother than at that time. I think I spent three days in my room before I mustered up enough strength and courage to see what my mother had done to me. I don't know how long I stood in the pitch-black darkness in my bathroom with my finger on the light switch, but it felt like an eternity, before I was able to turn on the light. I guess I was scared of what I would see staring back at me. I never liked the person I saw in the mirror, and the constant emotional abuse from my mother and schoolmates didn't help out my self-perception any. I couldn't believe how horrible I looked. I had always felt that I had been horribly unattractive but now I was not only unattractive but I was disgusting. My face was that horrible shade of brown because of all the dried blood on it, the right side of my face was swollen to twice its size, and I had horrible bruising all the left side of my body. I don't know why, but while I was looking at the mirror I became enraged. The longer I stood and looked, the more and more angry I became; until I could no longer take it and I just punched the mirror. Not surprising the cheap piece of crap shattered. The adrenalin that made me break the mirror soon left me, and it was replaced by this horrible nausea. And that was gone as soon as I threw up in the sink. I was sickened by the broken image of myself in the reminisce of what once use to be my bathroom mirror. I couldn't stand the filth that clung to my skin. I got in the shower and just stood in there and washed myself. I was not only trying to get all of the dried blood off of me, but I was trying to wash away the pathetic child that I was. I scrubbed myself so hard I started to bleed. But I didn't care I just wanted to get clean. As I watched the blood mix with the water, I thought about how nice it would be to take a piece of the glass that was laying on the floor and just slit my wrist. I could watch as my life drained from my body and swirled down the drain into the sewer; which is where I thought trash like me belonged. I was too scared to actually do it though. I was so terrified of what would happen to me. I was scared of what would happen to my soul, if I had one. I have always debated with myself over the issue of religion. I was born a Catholic; my mother had crucifixes all over the house. In fact she used one of the to beat me. Gives a whole new meaning 'to the power of Christ compels you huh'?"

Keller let out a small, halfhearted chuckle. Toby felt this sadness set in after Chris' little laugh. Toby felt that he wanted to hug Keller. He was perplexed on how someone could hide such pain so well. Chris appeared to be such a cocky bastard who did not have a care in the world, but he was just as sad and lonely as Tobias was. Toby wore his emotions on his sleeves but it appeared as if Keller kept his emotions locked behind reinforced steel door.


	4. Chapter 4

Keller was silent as was Beecher. Though neither knew it and their faces did not show it they were both astonished. Beecher was still perplexed on how strong yet fragile Keller was. Keller was dumbfounded why the hell was he telling Beecher this. He had never let anyone know, not even his only friend, Ronnie Barlog, on the outside. But some how Beecher had coaxed him, with out really trying, into revealing his deepest darkest secret. Was it because they both had shared angst or was it something else? Keller was not positive, but he thought he might be falling for Toby. _Me falling for someone there is no chance in hell_. _I don't fall for people; they fall for me and they fall hard. _Keller tried to let that thought become the new truth, but he was fighting a losing battle. He knew although he did not want to say it he cared for Toby.

_Could I be in love? I always thought that love was only a myth. Something that weak people tell themselves so they can get through their sad pathetic life._ _Great, the first person that I ever have an ounce of feeling for and I agreed to have him kill himself. Just my luck. What the hell is it about Beecher that is different. I have lost count of the number of people I have slept with and I have even been married, but I never really felt anything for them I just wanted to fuck them. There is something about Beecher that draws me to him, like a moth to a flame. Wait didn't I read something about that it is not the flame they are attracted to, it is the light that confuses them into thinking it is the moon and it causes them to fly into it. Wow even in my thought I'm avoiding the though questions. What is different about Beecher than the rest? Could it be his almost child like nature? Behind his crazy persona there was a gentle soul and his genuine concern for the well being of others. Or was it his unusual intelligence from what I have heard Beecher was a moron when it came to street smarts, but he was a quick learner. Beecher has a rare combination of mild street smarts mixed in with Harvard Law degree. It didn't take Beecher long to break from his prag status he had with Vern last year. I was his prag until the day I got out of Lardner. And he had managed to fend for himself this entire time. He had even found a very effective way to protect himself. There are the obvious ways of staying alive. There is working out like crazy until you are big as hell like me, but that takes time and no matter how strong you are you are no match for a group such as the Aryan Brotherhood. You could always try and manipulate others, but if that ever backfires on you then you're in deep shit. But Beecher had come up with the easiest and most effective way to keep you alive. Just make people think you're crazy. He did have to go through a few ordeals to pass it off, like shitting in Vern's face or biting of Robson's dick._ Keller chuckled to himself. _What a dumb ass. I mean I have done plenty of stupid things in my life, but I still have all of my body parts. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Beecher being crazy. It is a simple idea but at the same time it is complex. You just act like you have lost mind and people leave you alone. At the same time you have to learn to walk the line between appearing crazy and looking like a freak. You also have to make sure you know when to turn it off; don't want to end up in the Psych Ward. But Beecher could walk the line between insanity and sanity better than the most experienced tightrope walker. I got that lovely demonstration earlier today. His defense is has worked very well. Schillinger couldn't get any of his Aryan followers to take out Beecher. They were all sacred of him. That is why my services were needed, but if I had been told the whole story I'm not sure whether I would have taken up his offer. Who the hell am I kidding? I would have taken the job. I would have welcomed the challenge. It would have given me something to do while I was in OZ, at least for a while. But sadly I think I might be growing attached to my game. Sadly it looks like I will have to cut my little game of cat and music short. I had some many things I wanted to do, but Vern wanted it done sooner than later. Oh shit! How long have I been talking to myself? I need to get back to my story before Beecher thinks he has done something to make me stop. Why the hell am I worried about what Beecher think about me stopping? And why the hell am I telling him the truth about my life? Oh god! I am closer to him then I thought. How the hell did that happen? This little bastard's more charming then I thought._

Keller was wrong about Beecher; he was not wondering why Keller was silent. He was using the brake in Keller's story to think. It had been a while since Tobias got to try and get into someone's head and figure them out. It reminded him of the old days: before OZ, before the divorce, and before losing the kids when Genevieve moved in with her parents.

_I actually feel kind of bad forcing Keller to open up like that. I figured he did not have an easy life like me, but I had no idea it could have been like that. Like me, whom the hell am I kidding? My life was a cakewalk compared to Chris. Now I feel worse about having bitched so much about my problems. I had to annoy the hell out of him with my whining about my life when he has had a life with more trials and tribulations then there are in most soap operas. Hell, Keller had been through more in his teen years then I have experienced in my entire. But how the hell can he hide it so well? I know he is tough, but still he acts like he has had the perfect life most dream about, but in reality his life had been a nightmare. He may not see it that way but there is no way anyone could think it is normal to have that much control over there emotions. It cannot be healthy. I am not a doctor, but I know what stress can do to a body. I have had my fair share of ulcers back when I was practicing law. I cannot imagine what he has gone through holding all of that in. It's fascinating how well he can hide his true feelings. I have had to do it before with different court cases, but I was never good at it. I do not know why I am surprised at it, besides law I have sucked at everything else I have tried. Why should this be any different? I could get through the case but that was about it. I could not keep my real feeling in long after that. Now that I think about it, everyone in OZ is skilled at masking their true feeling; everyone except for me that is. But still even O'Reily, who was the best at it, still had plenty of moments when he would let them slip out. I guess this is Keller's moment of weakness, but still he would not have started if I had not pried it of him. It is not like I broke through his defenses, the way he did with mine. He opened up the steel doors he kept his emotions behind. I wonder if he has ever has ever told his life story before? I do not think so. He just seems to hurt too much when he was talking about it. If he had told the story before it would not have been so raw and emotional this time. Or normally it would not be. Maybe he is just a good actor. Something tells me he is being genuine, and I am pretty good at judging people. Also I do not think he would be able to concoct a tale as tragic as this one. Lets say that he did make up the story; there still is the factor of making it believe able. I use to spend countless hours around liars. I can pick out a lie easier with the accuracy of a sniper. Just another reason I am glad I was a lawyer. Why am I getting sucked in to worrying about this guy? I have learned the hard way that when someone shows any interest in you it is for there own agenda. Whether they want to use you, like Schillinger did, or for help, like O'Reily does. But it is not like he reached out to me like the other two. He just wanted to know what was going on in my head. There is something about the way Keller acts that puts me at easy. When O'Reily is scheming he tries to apply his charm but I have never really trusted him. But for some reason Chris puts me at ease. For some reason I do not get the filling that he has an ulterior motive. What the hell am I think? This is OZ everyone has an ulterior motive. I just have not found out what his is. Then again he may not have one. I do not know. I guess I will give it more time. I have known him for less than twenty-four hours. If I give it sometime I might be able to figure him out._

After a long period of silent, Chris was able to collect himself and continue with his story. "Sorry about the long pause. I got lost in my thoughts. Now what was the last thing I said? Oh yeah the crucifix beating."


	5. Chapter 5

"Let me get back to the story before I get lost in my thoughts again. What was the last thing I mentioned?"

"It was about you wanting to kill yourself in the shower." Beecher replied.

"Oh yeah that's right. I'm glad that you are actually listening most people have zoned out way before that part."

"You actually think I would have gone to all this trouble or getting you to talk just to ignore you?"

"By looking at the majority of the people that I have some across I would say 'yes', but that is just me being a cynical bastard."

"Well I guess I am different. I do not run my mouth just to heart myself talk. When I say something I mean it. Oh god I am starting to sound like an after school special. I think you better start talking before I start talking about the dangers of peer pressure or rock music."

Wow, are you sure you are in the right era? I mean most of the time you sound pretty normal. A lot smarter than your average inmate but not too out there, but then you say something like that and it makes me wonder.

"You know what Chris?"

"What Beecher?"

"You really should stick to your story telling because your jokes are lame as hell."

"Right and this is coming from the pretend psycho. Anyways let me get back to the story. So basically I spent the next three months living in my room off my mother's painkillers. I am pretty sure she knew I was taking them because the supply doubled during that time. I guess that she felt a little shame for what she did. My mother was the type of woman that if you messed with her drugs there was going to be hell to pay, but she never said anything about me taking her pills. How odd the one time she showed any concern for my health was after she had beaten the livin' shit out of me. Six months later I was all better and my mother stopped buying extra pills. I was back to normal except for one small problem. Well make that one small problem and one major problem. The small problem I had was that I was now a high school dropout. I had missed over a half a year of school so there really was no point in going back. That right there would have fucked up my life, but I can still top that. I soon realized that I was a fucking Hydrocodone addict. So at sixteen I was a high school drop out and a fucking junkie. Great way to fuck up a life early huh? I am pretty good at that now. I mean I have been practicing since I was a kid and I think I have finally mastered it. You know since I will be spending the rest of my fucking life in this hellhole. But back to the drug addicted teenager. My biggest problem I was facing at the time wasn't that I was an addict it was that I was an addict with no cash."

"Why did you not take the pills from your mother," Beecher asked. "I mean it is her fault that you became an addict in the first place with the abuse and the history of addiction."

"I thought of doing that but I couldn't stand the bitch and I did not want to depend on her for anything."

"Oh ok I understand. So did you quit cold turkey then?"

"Hell no. That wasn't even an option in my mind."

"Then how did you get the pills?"

"I did some stuff to earn the money." Chris muttered

"What kind of stuff?" Toby was perplexed by the way Chris' answered his question. _Up until now he had never wavered. Even when he was talking about how is mother abused him he was comfortable. What the hell could he have done to make him this uncomfortable to talk about it?_

"I did somethings…" Chris trailed off not wanting to answer the question.

"What you like burglary?"

"Um… not quite," Chris let out a nervous laugh. "I um… I uh… turned tricks for a while," Keller finally said.

Both me were silent once again. Keller wondering why the hell he was telling Beecher this and Toby was in a state of shock at Chris' confession.

"Really? Why"

"One I needed the money and two I figured I was all ready two thirds of the way to becoming my mother so why not become a whore and finish if off. It wasn't that bad"

"Then what was with the tone? You seemed ashamed of it."

"It wasn't that it was about what happened to me. I had been working for a little over six months." Chris paused for a moment then let out a little laugh. I just realized that every six months I fuck up my life. Just when everything seems to settle down from the last disaster the next one hits. Funny huh?"

_Jesus this guy is more fucked up then I thought_. "What happened after six months?"

Keller was still contemplating his last statement and missed the question. "Huh?"

"You said everything was going fine until about the sixth month? What happened? How did it get messed up?"

"I don't know."

"Ah come one it cannot be that bad."


	6. Chapter 6

"Fine I guess I'll Tell you." Chris finally said. "It happened in May of 77. It was wither the thirteenth of the fourteenth I am not completely sure because it was late at night or early in the morning depending on how you look at it.

"Hold on a second. This happened over twenty years ago right?"

"Yeah."

"And you can still remember the day it happened?"

"Yeah." Keller replied getting a little annoyed. He felt that Beecher thought he was lying.

"Sorry I don't mean to sound rude but I just find it kind of odd that you can remember the exact day. I mean lots of people have problems remembering events that happen annually let alone once twenty-one years ago."

"What the fuck Beecher? Are you calling me a liar?" Keller said losing his composure.

"It is not that." Beecher lied. Tobias had lost count of the number of people that he had caught in a lie because of saying something just like what Chris said. _I guess he thinks that I cannot tell when someone is lying. They try to fool you giving up to much information to_ _fast. They think by flooding you with information that you will think there is no way they could have made this up. But it does the opposite it makes me think that they have planned it out if they have an answer for every question. _"It is just strange for someone to remember such specific details of something that happened so long ago."

"You know Beecher for an intelligent guy you sure can be a dumb ass," Keller replied trembling trying to control his anger.

"Woo where is the hostility coming from all the sudden? I just said I thought it was a little strange. I never said that you were a liar."

"You had no fucking idea what I was going to say and yet you implied that I was going to make it up. I don't know why the hell I even care really. I mean it is not like you even give a shit what happened to me anyways. I don't know what the hell I was thinking."

"Wait a second. Where is this all coming from?"

"Just forget about it. I don't feel like fucking talking about it anymore."

"Come on Chris."

"I am fucking done." Chris said rolling over in his bunk.

"Wait a second Chris… Chris…" Tobias set for a few minutes hoping that his pod mate would answer him, but finally gave up defeated. He crawled in to bed trying to go to sleep but was unable to block out his thoughts.

What the hell was all that about? Why the hell did Chris get so pissed at me? I don't think I said anything wrong but I must have. I guess it was a little too obvious that I didn't believe. Way to go Beecher just show him all of your fucking cards. You think I would have learned to be more careful then that by now. What the hell could he have done to make so upset? I really did not think he would get so upset about me not believing him. I mean it just seemed so out of character for him to lose control like that. It must have been some fucked up shit to illicit a response like that from him. Why do I even care? I mean it is not like this guy is my best friend or anything. Who gives a fuck if h is pissed at me? I do that is who. But why? Why do I fucking care? After all the shit I have been through in the past two years I never thought I would care about someone besides myself. Let alone someone I just meet. What the hell is going on with me? I spent all this time building up this wall and for what? To have it knocked down in less then a day. I had been doing great up until today. What is so different about this guy? How did he get slow close to me with out me even realizing it before it was too late? And how the hell was he able to make me care about him. I just cannot figure this guy out. It is like when you figure out one thing about him you are left with two more mysteries in the old ones place. I don't know why but I want to figure this guy out and it is bugging the hell out of me that I cannot. I just need more time I guess I just need some more time. I will figure him out if it kills me.

With that final thought Toby closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Normally I would be ecstatic that Toby was upset. It would me that my plan is working but I think I have abandoned that right now. If I were still on plan then I wouldn't have gotten this upset. Fucking Toby is getting to me. I don't get I have played people or years and the only thing that has ever happened was me taking joy in using them. Why is it different all the sudden? What the hell is so special about him? Why the fuck can't I just drop this bastard like all of the others that have came before him? God damn it Toby I am the one who is supposed to confuse you not the other way around. I don't like it either. I am supposed to be in control at all times. I cannot let him get to me, because it means that I will give up a part of me that I don't want to. Why do I have this over whelming urge to make Toby feel better? I don't get it I have had a hard life and have never given two shits about anyone other than myself. Why have I changed now? Ah fuck it I will think about this later.

"Hey Beecher you still awake?" Keller asked quietly

"Yeah" came the response from the bunk above.

"I just wanted to say sorry for snapping on you earlier. Can you forgive me?"


	7. Chapter 7

There was a long pause before Beecher spoke. He was trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. "You do not need to apologize. You were sharing personal information with me and I treated you like you were a piece of shit. I'm sorry for being an ass."

"As much as I like hearing that I'm right you don't have anything to apologize for. You acted like any normal person would have. I mean hell you haven't even now me for a day yet. I guess I forgot that and I over reacted."

"Lets just agree that we both fucked other wise we are going to get no where because we are both stubborn as hell."

"Ok I can live with that."

"If you still feel like talking then I will listen. I would understand if you didn't. I mean it had to be quite personal. I know it can be hard to talk about but most of the time it helps you get over things. If you ignore them then they will always be there, but when you talk about them it gives you a chance to heal those old wounds."

"I think you have seen the Shrink one to many times for your own good. You might want to consider a transfer before you turn in to one."

"Say what you will but it has helped me out. I am still a wreck but not as bad as I use to be."

"Wait this is better Beecher. I sure as shit would not want to be in the same room with the old you."

"Hey this is not about me, we were talking about you. I have talked enough about myself for today."

"Yeah I guess you are right. You did do a lot of blabbing earlier didn't you?"

"Hey fuck you ass."

"I was just teasing you. I love it when you get angry it is so funny. Anyways I guess I can continue with my story. It will not be as enjoyable as making fun of you but it only seems to be fair. Where was I at last? Oh yeah I don't think I had told you very much did I? It was work as usual. Actually it was kind of a slower night than usual. After a few hours of just standing around a potential customer finally came by. I told him what I offered but he wasn't interested. He told me he wanted anal and which point I told him to fuck of because I didn't do that shit. I thought he was ok with it because he started to walk away. I made a major mistake right then. I did not wait for him to go away before I turned my back on him. The next thing I know I am waking up on the ground in some alley naked. I tired to get up but each wrist had been tied to my knees. I then heard that guy tell me he was going to what the fuck he wanted out of me. So he um… he uh… he…"

"Raped you."

"Yeah. It happened so long ago you would think that I would have gotten over it by now. But it sill feels like it happened yesterday. I am such a fucking loser."

"Don't say that Chris. What you went through is no way your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened. You have held that shit in for way to long. You have tried to pave over it and pretend like it never happened to do that. No matter how successful you are at pretending that it never happened it would never change the fact that it did. And the longer you keep pretending that you are ok with it the emptier you are going to fill inside. See in this case I know what the hell I am talking about."

"You know that you are the first person I ever told that story to?"

"I had no idea. Why did you?"

"I guess it was because you had told me about what happened to you. I just felt that you wouldn't judge me. That you might understand how I felt. I have always been scared of telling anyone about that. I was scared of what they would say to me, of what they would think about me. I have always tried to not give a shit about what people think about me, but no matter how hard I tired it always effected me. It was like there was this voice in me head saying 'no one is going to like you if they know that' or 'everyone is going to think you are a freak I they knew'. It made me avoid getting trying to get close to anyone for the majority of my life. You are right though it does feel better to have talked about it. Thanks for listening to me bitch."

"No problem I was just returning the favor. Besides I have a question that I want to ask you anyways. You mind?"

"Nah go for it."

"Ok how they fuck do you do that?"

"I do a lot of things Beech. You have to be a little more specific."

"I mean how can you hide your feelings so well. You exude this aura of confidence. This vide that makes you seem like you don't have a care in the world. But yet deep down inside you are the opposite. You have fears and you are insecure as the next guy. How the hell can you hide that so well? I mean when we first talked I thought you did not have a care in the world but now I see that I was wrong?"

"You know I have never thought about it. I mean it has always been something that I have just done. It has become a survival mechanism I guess. I make it look easy now but it was hard as hell getting to this point. I took a lot of practice, but you just have to become numb to the world around you. If you can detach from reality and just bury any emotion that you may experience deep down inside to where you never feel them then you can pretend that you don't give a shit about the world as well."

"It sounds like that would be a pain in the ass to deal with everyday."

"Yeah it can be annoying sometimes. There are days when I don't want to get up in the morning, but they are few and far between. Plus it is much better than dealing with the rest of the shit in my life."

"And what would that 'shit' be?"


End file.
